#38 - Hook-Up

If you need me to "hook you up" in an institution where everything is free, you have failed not only as a patron of the library, but as an organism. You  may, in fact, be a fuck-up on a molecular level.

#37 - iFume

I'm not allowed to help you download music to the computers because it's illegal, against library policy, and it's Taylor Swift.

#36 - Tech Services

Technically, they provide a service.

#35 - Volunteens 2

Volunteens: Because babysitting your miscreant children during the school year alone isn't birth control enough.

#34 - Volunteens

Teen library volunteers: It's cheaper than a real summer camp.

#33 - Login

Q: "What the hell is a username?"
A: One of many reasons why you don't have a job.

#32 - Hard Time

I promise that I don't need to know why you were in prison to print this document for you.

#31 - What You Need

If you can comfortably say "I don't need nary a book," then you need EVERY book.